Quote from a Facebook Post: "Getting through lock down is not a competitive sport – you don’t have to come out of it fitter or more fabulous. Whether you are surrounded by kids, or doing it solo, it’s a struggle for everyone"
My "Let Me Be Honest" Blog!
I am struggling with motivation. I have down days. Today is down day. I feel tearful. I keep staring at my Chemical Aromatherapy coursework; I have looked at the short courses I have on bloody Centre of Excellence. But all I have done so far is vibered by husband and BFF, drank peppermint tea, followed the cat around the house, ordered a kansa wand and Bluetooth earphones and read stupid posts on Facebook!! And it is only 11.23am 🤷♀️ I am annoyed that I am putting pressure on myself to do more during this time. To use my time 'wisely'. The only new things I have learnt this past 4 weeks is to hula hoop.
I also know I am in the autumn phase of my cycle. I am on day 22. My bleeds are getting longer in between some months and shorter in between other months. I have no idea when my bleed will come this month, but my emotions today are showing me I am definitely pre-menstrual. From the book Moon Time by Lucy H Pearce (if you have not got it yet I would highly recommend you do) this is where I am at:
My Season is Autumn.
My Archetype is the Enchantress/Wild Woman (yeah baby!!! Not feeling so enchantressy right now)
My Element is Fire.
My Light is darkening.
The Length of Pre-Menstrual is 9 days (normally!)
Hormones – Falling oestrogen and progesterone.
Physically – a Transition Time.
Vaginal Discharge – normally none or blobby, thick and yellow. I have none.
The next two are so spot on for me right now:
Emotions – creative, emotional, sensitive, and angry!
Energy – Waning dynamic, destructive, descending inward.
Ordinarily Days 20 – 27 (or until my bleed feels inclined to arrive! Or worse it springs an early surprise on me and I am totally unprepared) I find myself sinking and my patience becomes shorter. I get upset very easily and very tearful. It is no fun is it!! As the days go on, I am tired, I feel heavy and sluggish and I cannot concentrate on things properly. Oh, and I am so tearful!!! (yes, I am going to put lots of explanation marks in. In fact, you may see quite of lot of them through this blog!!)
Sometimes I cry like a grief kind of crying. Proper sobbing has occurred like letting out so much despair. Poor old Mr Wolfe is like ERRR WTF, but he is always there with a huge hug and words of comfort and chocolate or in my case Crisps!!
Where it says about this being a creative time, when I sit and think about that, I find that it is true for me. It is usually the times when I sit and write my blogs, or my journalling becomes longer and more frequent over those days. Yep I do feel my light darkening and I descend inward. So, going through menstruation during a lockdown is twice as challenging. Because weirdly although during this phase I often go into shutdown, non-sociable, want to hide away, I do not like that I do not have a choice to go out and be sociable. Do you get my drift?! And I do not have Mr Wolfe here with me to offer out the hugs and crisps as I am looking after my mother and he is home renovating our dining room.
I thought I had been through some challenging times in my adult life. Actually I know I have. But this one takes the biscuit in some ways…….omg I mentioned biscuits ☹ Sorry Karen Swindall ! And there you have it, another pressure I put on myself was to go sugar free for 7 days, during pre-menstrual week. Erm, lightbulb moment. What on earth was I thinking Keep thinking of the results Pauline !!
So not wanting to end on a grim note the positives that have come out of today so far are:
Nuff said (as the saying goes).
"Never fail yourself
Never commit to limits....
Follow the particulars
of your spirit
as they pull you...."
By Veronica D. Cunningham
Pauline Wolfe - Currently perimenopausal; passionate; creative; loves to write; sketches for down time; down to earth & likes to write in layman terms! Moved to Malvern 3 years ago from Central South seaside, married 2 years to born & bred local builder. Two grown up children, 3 grandchildren!